Body shaming in kink

Hi all. :)

BODY SHAMING


So this is something I talk about quite regularly with friends/family etc but not a topic I thought I'd be blogging about. Why? Probably because somewhere within myself I still feel in one of those awful Domme boxes that I wrote about a few months ago Expectations of a Domme.

I received an email last week from someone looking to book a session which went along the lines of this..

"I've been wanting to book a session with you for quite some time now Mistress but I was really put off by the figure you have now. I preferred your smaller frame"

Not only was I admittedly upset by this comment but I was more enraged by the sheer disregard of my feelings. HOW DARE HE JUDGE ME IN THIS WAY! I felt so offended not only because my body image had been scrutinised but felt that my ability to conduct a session was somehow thought off as a lower standard just because I've gained a bit of beef! I mean why would you even go to the bother and effort to email someone JUST to tell them that. I didn't respond to his email but it did make me think of how much pressure we are under to 'look a certain way' and potentially opening a door for those idiotic, self absorbed people who think it's perfectly ok to voice their opinions on the way someone looks.
The sad thing is. That door is always open. It doesn't matter how you look. People are always going to find a way to insult and put you down. It's the society we live in and it's not fucking nice.

I remember when I was 13stone and I swore I wouldn't step foot in front of a camera until I was at least 10 stone. I lost 3 stone quite quickly, then I ended up loosing another 2 stone. But My point is this.... Why should I have felt that I NEEDED to loose it in the first place? To be honest I was quite happy the way I was but I got told that if I wanted to enter the kink world and make it big then I should really loose weight and change my appearance. So I did...
We all want to look good and we are afraid of being judged, some would deny this but I reckon from knowing how a woman's mind works the vast majority do. We want to look as good as that person in the magazines you've been looking at. Some compare themselves to celebrities, some compare to other Dommes but why can't we just be happy within our own skin and feel comfortable enough in pictures that we don't need to stick a bunch of filters on them? (Guilty BTW) but why can't we have the confidence to step in front of a camera and be proud of how we look and not feel pressured to change first?

It's the media! We all know it's the media! It makes us paranoid about our hips and double chins! But guess what? NEWS FLASH - The pictures we all see online of those beautiful Kardashian girls and models are all edited - ALOT! It's not REAL. We haven't all got flawless skin and our hair isn't always on point. (Mine definitely isn't) I go around looking like a complete scruff if I'm not filming or working.

We live in a cruel world. Let us kink people be nice to each other, spur each other on, support each other, don't judge and criticise. Let's take each other as they truly are and remember that we are all human beings with our own flaws. OH! AND FEELINGS!!

To me, all woman are beautiful. It doesn't matter if you are slim, curvy or class yourself as a BBW we are all beautiful just the way we are. There's nothing wrong with your body but there's ALOT wrong with the people and messages that try to convince you otherwise.

Ps: I am fully aware that everyone has the right to a preference Ive only written this to show what kind of crap us ladies need to put up with at times.


Much love
MSJ x