Jessie's diary - Chapter 7 - Reflections on life

Reflections on Life as a Personal Slave

This week serving Mistress was a slightly different experience – despite being a Goddess even Mistress has rubbish weeks where the last thing She needs is to have to spend the evening dominating slaves. This week my Mistress was in the need of a relaxing evening so it was my honour & privilege to spend the evening giving her a bit of TLC - carrying out some DIY jobs for Mistress in Her bedroom, cooking Her an evening meal, cleaning / tidying etc and then spending a little while relaxing with Her watching some TV and then having the pleasure of giving Her one of my massages which help Her relax at the end of the evening.  

I still of course spent the night naked tied tightly on the floor by Her bed (although don’t tell anyone I think Mistress is going a bit soft – as I got an actual pillow for the night!! – this softening didn’t last too long as once I was tied Mistress couldn’t quite help herself spending just a little while amusing herself abusing my balls and nipples just a little bit!!!).  

It was a really lovely evening and I am pleased that my service to Mistress cheered her up and left her more relaxed the day after.  

As regular followers of Mistress Sarah will be aware In addition to myself Mistress enjoys the service of a live in personal slave whereas I serve Mistress as and when time allows but generally about 3 or 4 nights a month on average. I have been a personal slave to Mistress for a 4 months now and thought it might be time to consider what life is like as Mistress Sarah’s personal slave and reflect on the changes and impact it has on my vanilla life.

You are always on my mind – one of the things I notice most is that I find it difficult switch off from my life as Jessie. One of the great things about being a personal slave is that I get the opportunity to serve my Mistress on much more regular basis. This means that mentally I spend a lot of time coming down from the intensity of serving my Mistress and then counting the days to the next visit. I have definitely become more and more Jessie in my real life as I spend more time mentally as her.

Chastity – for a number of reasons I do not wear a device to control my chastity to my Mistress.  This does not in any way diminish the effect this has on my day to day life.  It doesn’t make chastity any easier as technically it would be easily possible for me to have a cheeky wank. What wouldn’t be easy is looking Mistress in the eye after letting her down so badly. Even before I became a personal slave Mistress had taken total control of my cock deciding when / if I would be allowed to cum either in session with Her or at home.  

Mistress has always enjoyed my desperate pleas for release – getting pleasure from my absolute desperation to cum.  My chastity is one element of my slavery that keeps Mistress constantly in my thoughts. Now I am a personal slave there is absolutely no way Mistress will entertain a request from me for being allowed to cum away from her presence –but She still loves knowing how insanely horny thinking about her makes me feel. Mistress has always said how much more submissive I get the longer I am kept from coming and it is definitely true – I have begged and pleaded at Mistress’ feet to be allowed to cum despite knowing that the price of it will be high indeed.

Jessies’ Journey – central to my slavery to Mistress Sarah is the knowledge that Mistress always has in the back of Her sadistic mind the next stage of Her plan to completely abuse, humiliate, torture and degrade me as Her slave.  As a personal slave I have no choice in what Mistress wants to do with / to me. I am required to accept whatever torment / humiliation pleases her. Since becoming Mistress’ property I have had my balls nailed several times, become fully acquainted with numerous anal devices and most recently been made to suck a real cock. The level and nature of the torture I endure for Mistress is much more intense than before as Mistress builds my ability to endure for Her pleasure.  

I have already been made aware of the next stage in my Journey.  I don’t know when it will happen – I know that I don’t have any choice in the matter – I could foolishly beg Mistress not to be subjected to what She has planned but it would be futile and would either disappoint Mistress or make Her more determined to carry it out but probably including even more humiliation.  Knowing this journey lies ahead of me and I have no choice in it preys constantly on my mind, wondering when it will happen, what will it be like, will I cope, will She really make me do it?  

Double life – one of the most challenging elements of my slavery is returning to vanilla life afterwards.  Serving Mistress is incredibly addictive and serving Her for an extended period as I do, compared with say a 2 or 3 hour session means I have a significant “come down” period afterwards where I somehow need to transition from being Jessie to being Nigel again. It is difficult because I like many subs rarely have people in their vanilla lives that they can talk to about it.  The buzz and high I get from serving Mistress Sarah is so great that almost immediately from leaving Her to return to normal life I am counting down the days to serving Her again. This come down period often leaves me a bit distant back in vanilla time as I come to terms with being “normal Nigel” again.  

All of the above mean that I spend a lot of my vanilla time thinking about my slavery, thinking about my Mistress, thinking about recipes to cook that She might like, things She might like to do, thinking about little gifts to treat Her with, sorting out what I need to bring to carry out jobs around Her residence.

The ongoing challenge is to balance my life as Mistress’ slave and that of my vanilla life and enjoy both sides of it – which isn’t always that easy when the life as a slave is as intense as it is – let’s face it I get to spend the night next to the bed of one of the hottest, sexiest women I’ve ever met – granted I’m trussed up like a turkey and quite often insanely and frustratingly horny but it is still one of the best experiences a slave could hope for.

Jessie